A New Voice: the "MBA Widower"

Everybody knows that pursuing an MBA program is challenging. However, nobody knows that better than the partners of the MBA students. They are the ones that give up a lot of the time they used to spend with their partners, they have to take on new responsibilities, and be supportive at the same time. Dr. Mallinger, the Director of the Full-Time MBA Program, rightfully calls them "MBA Widow(er)s."

When I started school, I jokingly told my husband I'd see him at the end of next year (i.e. when I graduate). Little did I know that I would have so much work that it sometimes seems like we just get to say "good morning" and "good night". Since he's the one that's directly feeling the consequences of my being in school, I decided to give him the chance to tell his side of the story as well. Here's his entry:

There have been a lot of changes over the last few months that my wife and I have experienced as a result of her starting the MBA program. First, it’s the amount of time I get to spend with her. It's amazing the sheer number of hours of work she has outside of class - reading, preparing presentations, studying for exams, etc. I knew she was going to be busy, but 12-15+ hour days 6-7 days a week is intense.

I do what I can to be supportive. I feel in some ways I've become the house-husband. Who knew I could go from a cook whose definition of a home-cooked meal meant a microwaved peanut butter and jelly sandwich, to using spices and different ethnic foods. We've started making sure to set aside specific time in our schedules for us to spend quality time together. I think this is important for any couple where one of the individuals is in graduate school. There simply is too much to get done in a 24-hour day to cross everything off of the to do list. So prioritizing is key. Saturday is our 'no work/MBA distractions' day. It's become my favorite day of the week because we get to wake up together and spend the whole day together focusing solely on enjoying our time together.

Another change is the energy and inner-spirit emanating from my wife on a near daily basis. My wife is someone who thrives in a challenging environment where opportunities for personal and professional development abound. From what I've seen the MBA program at Pepperdine is the definition of that environment. As a result, my wife seems to walk, talk, and think with a greater spirit than ever before. One of my favorite parts of the day is when she comes home from class and I ask her how her day went. Her face lights up as she describes what she covered in class, the contacts she's made, or the projects she's worked on. She even seems to get excited when discussing her accounting class. And to think she's a creative-marketing type, not a finance type!

One major point of advice I can offer to couples who are considering a spouse going to graduate school is the following: both people need to think of the experience as an investment in the relationship's future. It's easy to think the one spouse not attending school is putting his/her life on hold for the other. However, I think framing the experience in this light is counterproductive. Granted I'm choosing not to take certain career steps at the moment because of financial and logistical realities stemming from my wife attending school. However, there is plenty of opportunity for me to grow during this period. I have numerous colleagues at work who are in similar situations. Some aren't faring so well in their relationships because the spouse not attending school has begun to resent having to "put things on hold," especially when the other spouse is going through a rapid professional (and personal) development period. I try to absorb much of what my wife learns through hearing about her experiences. I even tell people I'm obtaining a joint MBA degree, vicariously through my wife. I've thought about pursuing an MBA degree, so this is great exposure to the experience, enabling me to test the waters for free.

Overall, it's only been a few months since her program has started. So I'm excited to see what the future has in store. One thing is for sure, it's going to be a busy time...but one not short at all in excitement.

You Know You’ve Been in SoCal for Too Long When…

I had four days off from school - sort of a mini-break - to charge the batteries and get the energy for the second half of the trimester. My husband and I decided to use this time to go visit family on the East Coast. I realized I miss the seasons, the yummy N.Y. pizza, Central Park, and a lot more. I love the East Coast because life there is so much different than in California, especially Southern California. So, I decided to put together a “You Know You’ve Been in SoCal for Too Long When…” list. Here it is:

1. You see $2.77 at the gas station and think it’s per gallon of water, not gas
2. You feel the cold outside and think it’s because of the AC and not because it’s fall
3. You realize that rush hour doesn’t mean all day long, but only from 3:00pm to 6:00pm
4. You hear thunder and you think there’s something wrong with your car
5. You realize that rain and lightning really exist
6. You are surprised that the freeway is not a parking lot
7. You are startled by a total stranger saying “hello” to you
8. You don’t remember the last time you saw leaves changing colors
9. You notice that there other shoes besides flip-flops
10. You are surprised that houses come with more than decent sized backyards

One Step Closer to the End

I already blogged about my midterms week. Today you’re in for a treat because I just finished my finals, so I want to give you a little bit of an idea about what last week was like. Let’s randomly start with Monday. I’ve heard rumors about weeks starting on Sunday or Monday (depending on where you’re from), but my weeks just blend in with no beginning and no end. Ever since I started school I think in sessions and months, so no weeks. But for the sake of this post, I’m going to start with Monday.

Monday…wow, I know what I did last summer, but I can’t even remember what I did last Monday. It’s a good thing I can turn to my faithful friend, the iPhone, and check out my calendar. OK, so it looks like I started my day at 5am. Oh yeah. Because my group and I had a presentation on EMR (i.e. Electronic Medical Records) at 8:00 am and met at 6:30 am at school to do a final run through. So,
6:30 am – meet with IT group to do a run through
8:00 am – EMR presentation and IT class
12:00 pm – lunch with our IT professor and my IT class (Dr. Williams invites everybody over to his house at the end of the class for lunch with his family. If you have a chance to take one of his classes, I strongly suggest it. He’s a really smart, fun, and fair professor.)
1:00 pm – Elyse (one of my close friends and accounting buddies) and I usually do our accounting homework on Mondays.
4:00 pm – meet with accounting group to do a run through of the presentation for Thursday
6:00 pm – economics study group for final Thursday
10:00 pm – I can’t think anymore, so I go to bed. My husband says something to me, but I can’t process. Information overload. Shut down follows.

Tuesday
I planned to read two of the chapters for my accounting final, but I have a presentation at 1pm, and I just realized I don’t have the cable (I think that’s what it’s called) that connects my Mac to the projector. So, I skip my lovely date with the accounting book and go to the Apple Store to buy one. I run back to school because at noon I’m supposed to meet my group to do a run through.
12:00 pm – meet with my OB (organizational behavior) group. I realize the Apple guy gave me the wrong cable, so it takes two runs to the school’s computer lab to finally get what I need.
1:00 pm – we give our amazing presentation on the leader of our choice: Hugh Heffner. ☺ We had a little bit too much fun with this presentation that doesn’t even count towards our grade, but everybody loves it and that’s what we’re there for. We live for our audience!
5:00 pm – the fun is over, it’s time for accounting study group
7:00 pm – more fun with my economics study group. A switch goes on in my head and I miraculously get the difference between the marginal rate of substitution and the slope of the budget line. ☺ YAY! I go home happy and feeling smarter than ever.

Wednesday
Did I mention before that Wednesday is my day off? That only means that I have no class, but I have a c*^& load of stuff to do. I allowed myself to sleep in, that is, until 8:00 am.
10:00am – I have my monthly one-on-one meeting with Gary Brinderson, TEC Chair and CEO of Brinderson Engineers and Constructors. I will talk more about TEC in another posting, but I will just say now that this is an amazing opportunity for any student and I would encourage you to take advantage of it, whether you decide to go to Pepperdine, UCLA, or USC.
11:00 am – grab some lunch with Elyse and dive back into the amazing world of accounting
5:00 pm – more econ study group. Originally about five of us, the group turns into about 12 people and we decide to take over one of the smaller conference rooms and make good use of the projector and the knowledge of one of our colleagues.
10:00 pm – I stare at the TV. I’m thinking this is a good way to relax, but I can’t tell if I’m staring at Obama or McCain, so I decide to go to bed.

Thursday
Almost the end of the week. I wake up at 6:00 am to make sure I make it to school at 7:15am. We’re the first of the four groups for our accounting presentations. We talk about Rite Aid, the accounting principles they violated, and how we can prevent that in the future in our companies.
10:00 am – after all the groups finished their presentations, we start our final.
1:00 pm – one final down, one more to go. I start my econ final.
3:00 pm – I’m the third to finish the final, so I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I decide not to think twice about it, jump in the car, and drive to Newport Beach with my TEC buddy, Tim.
6:00 pm – we hate the traffic, but get to Newport in time to meet with a few other TEC people and have dinner.
12:00 am – the point of us going to Newport the night before the TEC meeting was to get some sleep. But one fun thing lead to another and we’re up talking until almost 1am. I decide to go to sleep with the lights on and people talking around me.

Friday
TEC group meeting from 9:00 am until 3:00 pm, then drive back to LA on the parking lot that is the 405 freeway.

Saturday
No, my week is not over. As the Director of Communications for Challenge for Charity, I spend my entire day in a board meeting with our C4C President, Lisa Steward, and members of the other C4C chapters.
To celebrate almost the end of a crazy week, my husband took me to the Greek at the Harbor restaurant in Ventura Harbor. It was an amazing night, with delicious food, and crazy great entertainment. I recommend going there.

Sunday
I took my “final” final. Our IT final was a take home exam due today, so I decided to get it over with on Sunday and not wait any longer.

This is the short version of last week. If you think it’s too long, try living it. ☺