A New Voice: the "MBA Widower"

Everybody knows that pursuing an MBA program is challenging. However, nobody knows that better than the partners of the MBA students. They are the ones that give up a lot of the time they used to spend with their partners, they have to take on new responsibilities, and be supportive at the same time. Dr. Mallinger, the Director of the Full-Time MBA Program, rightfully calls them "MBA Widow(er)s."

When I started school, I jokingly told my husband I'd see him at the end of next year (i.e. when I graduate). Little did I know that I would have so much work that it sometimes seems like we just get to say "good morning" and "good night". Since he's the one that's directly feeling the consequences of my being in school, I decided to give him the chance to tell his side of the story as well. Here's his entry:

There have been a lot of changes over the last few months that my wife and I have experienced as a result of her starting the MBA program. First, it’s the amount of time I get to spend with her. It's amazing the sheer number of hours of work she has outside of class - reading, preparing presentations, studying for exams, etc. I knew she was going to be busy, but 12-15+ hour days 6-7 days a week is intense.

I do what I can to be supportive. I feel in some ways I've become the house-husband. Who knew I could go from a cook whose definition of a home-cooked meal meant a microwaved peanut butter and jelly sandwich, to using spices and different ethnic foods. We've started making sure to set aside specific time in our schedules for us to spend quality time together. I think this is important for any couple where one of the individuals is in graduate school. There simply is too much to get done in a 24-hour day to cross everything off of the to do list. So prioritizing is key. Saturday is our 'no work/MBA distractions' day. It's become my favorite day of the week because we get to wake up together and spend the whole day together focusing solely on enjoying our time together.

Another change is the energy and inner-spirit emanating from my wife on a near daily basis. My wife is someone who thrives in a challenging environment where opportunities for personal and professional development abound. From what I've seen the MBA program at Pepperdine is the definition of that environment. As a result, my wife seems to walk, talk, and think with a greater spirit than ever before. One of my favorite parts of the day is when she comes home from class and I ask her how her day went. Her face lights up as she describes what she covered in class, the contacts she's made, or the projects she's worked on. She even seems to get excited when discussing her accounting class. And to think she's a creative-marketing type, not a finance type!

One major point of advice I can offer to couples who are considering a spouse going to graduate school is the following: both people need to think of the experience as an investment in the relationship's future. It's easy to think the one spouse not attending school is putting his/her life on hold for the other. However, I think framing the experience in this light is counterproductive. Granted I'm choosing not to take certain career steps at the moment because of financial and logistical realities stemming from my wife attending school. However, there is plenty of opportunity for me to grow during this period. I have numerous colleagues at work who are in similar situations. Some aren't faring so well in their relationships because the spouse not attending school has begun to resent having to "put things on hold," especially when the other spouse is going through a rapid professional (and personal) development period. I try to absorb much of what my wife learns through hearing about her experiences. I even tell people I'm obtaining a joint MBA degree, vicariously through my wife. I've thought about pursuing an MBA degree, so this is great exposure to the experience, enabling me to test the waters for free.

Overall, it's only been a few months since her program has started. So I'm excited to see what the future has in store. One thing is for sure, it's going to be a busy time...but one not short at all in excitement.